August 27, 2011

Blogger can suck a fat one.

So I guess Blogger deletes your pictures after a while, causing a lot of my reviews to be picture-less. I'm not going back to each one to fix it, so that's that. Fuck you Blogger.

June 13, 2011

Topaz BONUS Review of Fentimans Dandelion Burdock

I've reviewed a Fentimans product before; Curiosity Cola. Read that Here.

This time around I've decided to try out another Fentimans Drink. This one is called "Dandelion Burdock." As always it is botanically brewed, and all-natural.

This is the only category I will touch on, as you can refer to my previous Fentimans review for the rest.
The first thing you think of when you taste Dandelion Burdock is "Black Licorice." It's very strong, which will please people who enjoy black licorice naturally. It has sort of a sting to it, probably caused by the minimal amount of alcohol. It's very bitter, which is a good thing for black licorice, and makes for an intense drinking experience. For people who don't enjoy black licorice, this isn't the drink for you. For people who do, go get this beverage, as it won't disappoint you.


June 12, 2011

Topaz Beverage Review of BUNDABERG Austrailian Root Beer, "Invert Bottle Before Opening."

Not My Picture - Yetl I got a different bottle type.

Who's up for another drink that comes in a glass bottle? *Raises Hand* "ME!" Alright then, today we have some Root Beer for you. I take the beverage and book it. Nobody is going to take this moment from me. Whew! I'm finally home. That was one wild situation I was in, but I made it out alive, and with new material! This time I'm reviewing some Aussie Root Beer, made by Bundaberg. I found this at DePalo & Sons in Shell Beach, a specialty drink store. This stuff is imported straight from Australia, but surprisingly doesn't cost too much. I'm not sure as to whether the beverage is actually brewed in Bundaberg, though.

If you're used to American Root Beer, you're going to be in for quite a shock. The flavor is radically different than what you would expect, although it retains the feel of Root Beer. The first thing you notice is that it's much sweeter, and sweeter sooner, than any other Root Beer. It lingers for a bit, then dissipates. There's a nuttiness, although it is faint. I've never tasted anything like it. I can see almost anyone enjoying this beverage, even people who don't normally like Root Beer.

The carbonation is very light in Bundaberg Root Beer, which puts a bit more emphasis on taste. As for the stickiness, I would put the level at about moderate; it doesn't cause any issues, but may linger in your mouth. I suggest crackers or something wheat based to get rid of it. Personally, it doesn't really bother me. It might bother some people though, so that's a minus.

The shape of the bottle is something you would see a long time ago, before long bottle necks could be created. The neck is relatively stubby, which allows the beverage to flow to your mouth much quicker. This cuts the "Anticipation" Time by about 60%! As for the sticker design, seeing how this beverage is Australian, there is the obligatory kangaroo. He looks to be hopping over mountains of some sort, or maybe those are just rocks. One thing I noticed was at the top of the bottle, there is a string of text that says, "Invert Bottle Before Opening." make of that what you will. The bottle is made of standard beer-glass, and has some "BUNDABERG" engravings on the concave.

I really enjoyed my time with Bundaberg Australian Root Beer, and I'm sure you will too; that is, if you can find it. It has an impressively unique taste, whilst retaining the original Root Beer feel. The carbonation is light, putting more emphasis on the taste. The bottle has a snub-nose design, which reduces the time it takes for the beverage to reach your skull. All together, you have a WINNING combination. Honestly, I believe that anyone can enjoy this.


June 10, 2011

Topaz Beverage Review of LENINADE

This soda does everything right, and more. I had never heard of Leninade before last night, and now that I got my hands on it, I'm really impressed. Leninade is a great concept for a drink, and whoever thought of it should be given a medal. There are a bunch of quotes on the bottle that make fun of Soviet propaganda, all of which I shall list here.

  • Join the Party!
  • A Party in Every Bottle!
  • Drink Comrade! Drink! It's This or the Gulag!
  • ленин лил, ленин льёт, ленин будет лить!
  • ленинаде (Leninade in Russian)
  • Get Hammered and Sickled!
  • Get Really Hammered and Sickled!
  • Surprisingly Satisfying Simple Soviet Style Soda
  • Misha, Chill Down This Bottle & Chill Out!
  • Our 5-Year Plan: Drink a bottle a day for five years and become a Hero of Socialist Flavor
  • Soviet Style Pry Off Cap
  • A Taste Worth Standing in Line For!

I freakin' love it.

June 05, 2011

Topaz Beverage Review of Dublin Dr Pepper

OLD DOC's (Currently Revamping site)

I was extremely lucky to be able to find a bottle of this at my local Powell's Candy Shoppe. They are produced in only one factory that's privately owned in Dublin, Texas. I will provide a few links to the official website above. When I saw the little guy sitting in the cooler, waiting for me, I flipped out. Instantaneously I whipped out $2.50 + CRV and bought the sucker. Let me tell you, this is the best investment I've made in a very long time.

The way that Dublin Dr Pepper tastes is beyond unreal. You think it's going to be something along the lines of the current Dr Pepper, but then your expectations are shattered when you realize that it's a million times better. As you take a sip, your mouth is greeted by the tenacious potency of the original formula for Dr Pepper from 1891. The flavor was inspired from the way an 1890's drugstore smelled, with all of the candy and whatnot. I can honestly say, with great enthusiasm, that I FEEL THAT. You really taste it as it rolls down your tongue, and into your throat, where it pleasantly lingers.

The carbonation feels a lot more natural than most of the stuff we get today, and is a lot more evenly spread, with smaller bubbles. It still packs the punch you're expecting, but delivers it in a more elegant fashion. It seems to be the strongest when you first take a sip, and slowly dissipates before it gets all the way to the stomach, which actually makes for a more pleasant experience. This also prevents a lot of burping. Very very very well done.


The design on the bottle is simple, something that you would expect to see back in the 1890's. Alongside that, you also get the bonus of a glass bottle, which would be all that was available in the 1890's. It's a very authentic feeling, and adds to the "Whimsy." An added bonus is that near the top, there is some text that says, "NO REFILL." This would be smart to do in the 1890's when bottled soft drinks were first coming out, to let people get used to the idea of a trashable drinking container. The 10, 4, and 2 in the bubbles on the bottle represent when the body needs a caffeine boost, and thus when you should have a Dr Pepper. This was one of the first soda marketing campaigns ever.

Final Thoughts
I feel so lucky to have been able to get a chance to taste this extremely well-made beverage. I really admire the private manufacturer's decision to use the original formula from 1891, as it lets the people of the future taste the past. Dr Pepper actually came before Coca-Cola, so this formula is the most authentic vintage soft-drink that you can get. If you can find it at a Powell's near you, do it. If not, order it online. It's worth it. Get a crate.
Do it.


May 30, 2011


I've been meaning to try Jolly Rancher soda for quite a while now, and I finally have the chance thanks to my local Kmart. At the top of the display was a sign that said 99cents each; and I thought to myself, "Nice." Actually it was my sister who pointed them out to me, suggesting I do a review. When I saw the display I literally freaked out; I had been looking for Jolly Rancher soda for months, and here it was in the Kmart. The flavor I decided to get was Watermelon, simply because that is my favorite flavor of Jolly Rancher Hard Candy. That's basically what this soda is; liquid Jolly Rancher candy. That's a good thing. ---

I took a small census of my immediate family and friends, and asked them whether or not they thought that my Jolly Rancher soda looked nasty. Most of them said "Yes." I don't exactly know why this is, as I thought it was freakin' delicious. One sip is a rush of the artificial watermelon flavor that Americans have grown to love. The entire time the beverage is on your tongue and throat you feel like you've been sucking on a watermelon Jolly Rancher all day, and gathered enough saliva to make a drink out of it. You know, minus the saliva. Maybe that example wasn't the best, but if you take the yuk factor out, it sounds extremely delicious.

Well, to be honest there isn't much to say about the texture of a carbonated soft drink flavored like hard candy. The carbonation is abundant, and it doesn't seem to go flat fast. It's just enough to tickle the throat without burning. Oh, and it can be somewhat sticky at times.

What I really loved about the design of the bottle was the fact that they used the original Jolly Rancher logo, rather than one made especially for the beverage. It lets people know what they're getting in to. Over the top of the Jolly Rancher logo there are some small words that say "Bold fruit flavor of Jolly Rancher Candy." I can say that this is just about 100% accurate. Watermelons decorate the wrapper like clouds in the sky. The color scheme is expected to say the least.

Final Thoughts
Jolly Rancher Watermelon was a fun drink. Having the feel of the candy is liquid form is especially trippy. A word to the wise however, this beverage is definitely not for everyone. The census I took proves this. If you like the candy, you will love the drink.

Final Score 60/100

May 27, 2011

Topaz Review of GUAYAKI YERBA MATE Enlighten Mint

When I first saw the can, I didn't know what to expect from Enlighten Mint. I got the idea that it was a tea beverage, but that's about it. Proudly displayed on the front of the can is "Powerful Rainforest Experience" That sounds like something I would write! I decided to take the drink up on its offer, and was greeted with something that I was not expecting.

First of all, Mate is something that I'm already somewhat familiar with. At The Next HOPE convention in NYC, I was lucky enough to sample a few bottles of CLUB-MATE. This YERBA MATE beverage reminds me of CLUB-MATE quite a lot, with some of the only differences coming from the mint flavor, and the sweetness. CLUB-MATE is extremely bitter, while YERBA MATE is bitter still, but has a tinge of sweetness. I wouldn't go as far as to call it 'bittersweet' however. It's a very unique taste, and if you can get past the bitterness, it's worth a try. Very smooth down the throat, with no burning.

As you can see, the can is an experience all its own. In fact, you really have to think about what is shown to make any sense of it. What is that woman holding? It looks somewhat like a juice pouch. Actually, it's called a bombilla, or bomba; and it's like a straw with a tea filter on the end. The font is very nice looking, as is the background. It sets the mood for flavor to come. Everything seems quite glossy on the can, and the font actually makes it seem even more so.

Final Thoughts
YERBA MATE is definitely a fun ride, especially if you already enjoy MATE drinks. It might come as somewhat of a shock at first, but once you take a few more sips it becomes enjoyable. It's an acquired taste for sure, but that doesn't mean it's bad. If you can find it, give it a try. Be warned however, it's not for everybody.



May 23, 2011

Topaz Review of Mountain Dew Pitch Black

Figure A: The Awesomeness Uncut

It all started in Halloween 2004, I was trick-or-treating like any 9 year old would. One of our stops was the local mini-mart, where the new special edition Mountain Dew was on display. I immediately ran over to the promotional stand and started begging my father for one. He gave in, and I had myself a beverage that would not only improve Halloween significantly, but plant a seed in my mind, telling me, "This is it. You have to tell someone how good it is." So I did; but I only told my dad. I then looked at the bottle, "Limited Time Only!" My heart sank. Why must the best be withheld? Little did I know that next year, I would be enjoying an even better version of the same flavor, "Mountain Dew Pitch Black II." I was pleased, but still disappointed that II was also limited time only. Finally, six years later in 2011, I have had the chance to once again taste the original Pitch Black, thanks to the "Back by Popular DEWMand" Promotion. Here's my review:

May 15, 2011

New Suggestion Poll

Hey guys,

I would like your input as to what I am to review soon.
Vote in the sidebar to your left!

New review coming soon!

April 12, 2011

Topaz BONUS Review of TEPACHE frumex Original Pineapple Cider

Holy bejeezus. This stuff is beyond belief. I mean whoa. Since this is a bonus review, It wont be as long, but I will make my main point clear; This stuff is extremely potent, and will in fact melt your face off. Right the fuck off. I mean, have you ever heard of a PINEAPPLE cider drink? I haven't until today, and let me tell you it is one of the best ideas I could have ever imagined. Just think, what if there's a Pina Colada flavor? That, my friends, would be awesome.


This is just so intense. You take a sip, and are immediately overwhelmed with an array of magical pineappleness; its not even too sweet, seeing as it's fermented. It has a very long lingering flavor, and can allow for hours of hindsight. You know what I mean.


Smooth carbonation, from a glass bottle. Very good. I assume that the carbonation is not artifical, as barley and yeast can actually form it. Also, there are no artificial substances in this beverage WHATSOEVER. Thats right. Oh yeah.


So good. I just want to stop writing and finish it!
Buy it if you can find it, but be warned, its not for everyone.

March 18, 2011

Topaz Review of Sangría Señorial

This is the life, eh? Sitting on a nice chair outside, gazing at the blue ocean, sipping on a non-alcoholic Sangría beverage. Yeah, that's right, it exists; and not only is it real, it's delicious on a whole different level from any other beverage I've ever had. A regal display of flavor and texture, Sangría Señorial is unreal. On top of that, it comes in green glass! There's nothing quite like drinking a non-alcoholic Sangría Señorial from a green glass bottle. I dare you to find something quite like it. Sangría Señorial seems as if it's on a quest to claim absolute victory on every front.

March 17, 2011

Hiatus is Over

After being on hiatus for a while, I'm happy to say that I will be writing a weekly review starting tomorrow! I also changed the site's layout quite a bit; I hope you guys like it. Sorry I was gone for so long, but hey, I can't say that anybody missed me. Expect a review up tomorrow on something quite different; you know, the sort of thing I do all the time.

Until we meet again, huzzah it real nice.