Topaz Review of JOLLY RANCHER WATERMELON

I've been meaning to try Jolly Rancher soda for quite a while now, and I finally have the chance thanks to my local Kmart. At the top of the display was a sign that said 99cents each; and I thought to myself, "Nice." Actually it was my sister who pointed them out to me, suggesting I do a review. When I saw the display I literally freaked out; I had been looking for Jolly Rancher soda for months, and here it was in the Kmart. The flavor I decided to get was Watermelon, simply because that is my favorite flavor of Jolly Rancher Hard Candy. That's basically what this soda is; liquid Jolly Rancher candy. That's a good thing. ---

Taste
I took a small census of my immediate family and friends, and asked them whether or not they thought that my Jolly Rancher soda looked nasty. Most of them said "Yes." I don't exactly know why this is, as I thought it was freakin' delicious. One sip is a rush of the artificial watermelon flavor that Americans have grown to love. The entire time the beverage is on your tongue and throat you feel like you've been sucking on a watermelon Jolly Rancher all day, and gathered enough saliva to make a drink out of it. You know, minus the saliva. Maybe that example wasn't the best, but if you take the yuk factor out, it sounds extremely delicious.

Texture
Well, to be honest there isn't much to say about the texture of a carbonated soft drink flavored like hard candy. The carbonation is abundant, and it doesn't seem to go flat fast. It's just enough to tickle the throat without burning. Oh, and it can be somewhat sticky at times.

Design
What I really loved about the design of the bottle was the fact that they used the original Jolly Rancher logo, rather than one made especially for the beverage. It lets people know what they're getting in to. Over the top of the Jolly Rancher logo there are some small words that say "Bold fruit flavor of Jolly Rancher Candy." I can say that this is just about 100% accurate. Watermelons decorate the wrapper like clouds in the sky. The color scheme is expected to say the least.

Final Thoughts
Jolly Rancher Watermelon was a fun drink. Having the feel of the candy is liquid form is especially trippy. A word to the wise however, this beverage is definitely not for everyone. The census I took proves this. If you like the candy, you will love the drink.

Final Score 60/100

Topaz Review of GUAYAKI YERBA MATE Enlighten Mint

When I first saw the can, I didn't know what to expect from Enlighten Mint. I got the idea that it was a tea beverage, but that's about it. Proudly displayed on the front of the can is "Powerful Rainforest Experience" That sounds like something I would write! I decided to take the drink up on its offer, and was greeted with something that I was not expecting.

Taste
First of all, Mate is something that I'm already somewhat familiar with. At The Next HOPE convention in NYC, I was lucky enough to sample a few bottles of CLUB-MATE. This YERBA MATE beverage reminds me of CLUB-MATE quite a lot, with some of the only differences coming from the mint flavor, and the sweetness. CLUB-MATE is extremely bitter, while YERBA MATE is bitter still, but has a tinge of sweetness. I wouldn't go as far as to call it 'bittersweet' however. It's a very unique taste, and if you can get past the bitterness, it's worth a try. Very smooth down the throat, with no burning.

Can
As you can see, the can is an experience all its own. In fact, you really have to think about what is shown to make any sense of it. What is that woman holding? It looks somewhat like a juice pouch. Actually, it's called a bombilla, or bomba; and it's like a straw with a tea filter on the end. The font is very nice looking, as is the background. It sets the mood for flavor to come. Everything seems quite glossy on the can, and the font actually makes it seem even more so.

Final Thoughts
YERBA MATE is definitely a fun ride, especially if you already enjoy MATE drinks. It might come as somewhat of a shock at first, but once you take a few more sips it becomes enjoyable. It's an acquired taste for sure, but that doesn't mean it's bad. If you can find it, give it a try. Be warned however, it's not for everybody.

75/100

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Topaz Review of Mountain Dew Pitch Black

Figure A: The Awesomeness Uncut



It all started in Halloween 2004, I was trick-or-treating like any 9 year old would. One of our stops was the local mini-mart, where the new special edition Mountain Dew was on display. I immediately ran over to the promotional stand and started begging my father for one. He gave in, and I had myself a beverage that would not only improve Halloween significantly, but plant a seed in my mind, telling me, "This is it. You have to tell someone how good it is." So I did; but I only told my dad. I then looked at the bottle, "Limited Time Only!" My heart sank. Why must the best be withheld? Little did I know that next year, I would be enjoying an even better version of the same flavor, "Mountain Dew Pitch Black II." I was pleased, but still disappointed that II was also limited time only. Finally, six years later in 2011, I have had the chance to once again taste the original Pitch Black, thanks to the "Back by Popular DEWMand" Promotion. Here's my review:

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